The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Of course I have a pirate flag
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come share oat with me in your robe
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I supernannyed him into submission
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
