I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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