Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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