how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
