Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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