Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My pussy is not your playground.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
