So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
