He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
