Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
