Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We left the knife in your bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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