pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
