WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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