I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm too high and old for this...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
