The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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