Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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