So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
