i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
