i think my mom watched the whole time
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
