Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
