Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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