I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
