Are we in a gay sports bar?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
