i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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