oh fat girl friday strikes again...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
