Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
