please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
