Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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