batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
