i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
