The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
