He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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