I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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