If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
