he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
