i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
