I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
