you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
