Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
