I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
