cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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