he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
