she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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