the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
