how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
