I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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