Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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