u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
