how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In America we eat man semen.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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