Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
