update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Terrible idea I love it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
