i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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