guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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