I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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